I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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