Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
