He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
