My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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