Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So vagazzling was a success
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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