Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
