Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
