chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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