I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
