Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
