I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
