hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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