His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you had me at cake vodka
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
