Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
