I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are the jesus of drinking
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
