I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
