sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
