Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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