The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
40s are totally the cure
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
