she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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