Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
