my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
