handjob tips. give me some.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
