i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
