I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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