i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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