a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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