There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
