I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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