fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
