dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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