He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
