Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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