so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
