I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
