Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
