I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The best revenge is premature balding
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
