Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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