covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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