i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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