PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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