A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
