You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
PANTIES FOUND
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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