I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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