Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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