can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
