A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
