Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
