This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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