i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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