He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
