Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
