Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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