I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
