Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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